


I couldn't have changed anyways

by Thats_Gay_5119



Series: Last words of a shooting star [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bokuto Koutarou Being Bokuto Koutarou, Cancer, Gen, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, How Do I Tag, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad, Sad Hinata Shouyou, Wakes & Funerals, hnlnjkkjbd, im sorry, lmao rip hinata, this is kinda sucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:55:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27767866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thats_Gay_5119/pseuds/Thats_Gay_5119
Summary: The rest of the cast's letters/reactions to Hinata's death.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou & Everyone, Hinata Shouyou & Sugawara Koushi, Hinata Shouyou & Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Last words of a shooting star [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025203
Comments: 32
Kudos: 145





	1. Coach Ukai

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from Mitski's Last words of a shooting star. Please tell me in the comments who you want next!

Ukai Keshin doesn’t cry often. 

He didn’t cry when he lost his first volleyball game, and he didn’t cry when he fell out of a tree and broke his leg.

The kid that he watched grow over the past few months, was gone. One day Hinata was asking for pointers and the next he was gone. 

That thought was too much to handle for Keshin, so he was currently drowning his sorrows in a bottle a cheap whiskey. 

He let himself look over to the letter his kid had left him. Opening it would make it all too real. Oh so terribly real. Keshin had felt like he was in a nightmare when the boy’s mother had dropped off the pristinely white envelopes, saying that they were for the team. 

He made his way over to his desk and sat himself down in the chair. Letting out a harsh sigh, he tore open the letter and began to read.

“ Coach,

I’m sorry I won’t be there for the next game.

I know I’m not going to make it past my first year. I know I’m never going to get the chance to be like the tiny giant. I know you put so much effort into helping me get better, I’m sorry all your hard work is going to waste. 

You’re an amazing coach. You made me love volleyball even more. 

Even though I won’t be there, please make sure the team plays just as well as they did while I was alive.

Thank you so much,

Hinata Shouyou, Karasuno no. 10 ”

Keshin felt like throwing up. He had never thought about how the kid would never achieve his dreams of being the next tiny giant.

Hinata had such high hopes for his future. Keshin wondered how much it had hurt the kid to have all of that ripped away in an instance.

He hadn’t realized he was crying until he felt Ittetsu hug him from behind. 

“ He was supposed to play professionally. He was supposed to go so far. I wish he could’ve grown up with the rest of the kids” Keshin sobbed, voice shaking.

Right then, he promised that he would fulfill Hinata’s request.

Even if Hinata couldn’t be there to see it.


	2. Tsukishima Kei

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or fav salty boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is taken from mitski's last words of a shooting star.

Tsukishima Kei isn’t stupid, he knows that for a fact. He sees how tired Hinata looks. He sees how drained the ginger gets after practice while he used to be full of boundless energy

Kei doesn’t say anything. It’s none of his business, really.

  
Tsukishima Kei isn’t stupid, so why is it so hard to get past the first word of the goddamned letter. It wasn’t like the letter was in another language. The letter was written in slightly shaky Japanese, it should be easy.

He had watched Tadashi read his own letter and gave him a shoulder to cry on. Kei hadn’t read a single word on his partner’s paper. If Tadashi wanted him to read it he would tell him.

Kei set his eyes upon his letter once again and attempted to read it.

“ Tsukishima, 

  
If I’m being honest, it’s a surprise that you’re reading this. Thank you!

I’m sorry I haven’t been playing as well. It’s been getting harder to do things like breathing and running.

I have something to ask of you. Could you please make sure the team still plays as well as they used to? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’d really appreciate it if you try.

I really loved being on the same team as you. Your comments really motivated me.

Sorry this letter isn’t written very well. It’s getting harder to do things like this.

  
Thank you,

Hinata Shouyou, Karasuno’s number 10”

Tsukishima Kei isn’t stupid. He knows he could probably never do what Hinata asked of him. The team will most likely never be the same. Not only because Hinata was a core player, but he was also a cheerful ball of sunshine that brought a smile to the most stoic of faces. Kei knew for a fact the Karasuno boys wouldn’t have the same cheerful air for a long time.

Tsukishima Kei isn’t stupid, he knows he’s crying. He just can’t bring himself to wipe the tears away. 

Tsukishima Kei isn’t stupid, he knows that for a fact. Another thing that he knows, is that Hinata Shouyou is never coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave suggestions in the comments!


	3. Sugawara Koshi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sugamama pov!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this one! Sorry it's so short. Thanks for reading

Sugawara Koshi isn’t the type to avoid a problem. He takes the issue at face value and works to find a proper solution.

Too bad this situation doesn’t have a proper solution, or at least not one that Koshi can think of right now.

He usually planned ahead. Things like when he was going to do his homework and what he was going to do for dates with Sawamura.

One thing he didn’t plan for was his underclassman dying of cancer.

Once Koshi looked back on it, all the signs were there. Hinata had been looking a bit out of it lately and had been hunched over coughing a concerning amount of times.

Koshi’s letter was still in the same condition he got it in. It’s been a day since he was told, and he hadn’t touched the letter at all from when he got home until now.

He now had the pristine white envelope clutched in his hand. He hesitated, then ripped it open.

“ Suga,

I’m sorry if I’ve been worrying you. It’s been getting harder to breathe and write and jump and run and so many other things that used to be so easy. 

I also need to say thank you. You make every practice and game just a little be easier. You care for us so much and you really make everything just a bit more fun. 

Can you do me a favor? I want you to give the letters I wrote for the other teams to them. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel you could do it the best out of everybody on the team.

I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. I don’t think I could bring myself to do that.

Thank you for motivating me and letting me learn for you. You and the other third years taught me so much, and I’m so so sorry I won’t be able to put that knowledge to use.

Well wishes,

Hinata Shouyou, Karasuno’s number 10.”

Now Koshi was mad.

An apology. Hinata was dying from cancer and he felt the need to give Koshi an apology.

As much as the letter made him mad, it made him sad. 

Even though Koshi would’ve loved to get to say goodbye, he understood. It must’ve been incredibly hard to know you would leave the people you love. The thought of saying goodbye must have been terrifying.

Koshi let his mind wander to all the recent good memories with the little orange-haired middle blocker. The time when they went to the mall, that time when Koshi joined in on Kageyama and Hinata’s race, and all of the other times that Hinata had spent with the setter. All of the good moments he would never experience again.

At that moment, it really hit Koshi that Hinata was gone. He would never play volleyball with the team, and Koshi would never see him again.

There would be no more good memories. No more moments where Hinata seemed to shine brighter than the sun. No more moments where the smaller boy’s eyes would sparkle with amazement when Koshi showed him a new trick.

The sun had set on Hinata and Koshi could only watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave suggestions in the comments :)


	4. The funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama goes to Hinata's funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is taken from Mitski's Last words of a shooting star. Please tell me in the comments who you want next!

Kageyama Tobio doesn't like car rides, and he especially doesn't like this one.

Tobio is currently sitting in the passenger seat of his sister’s car on his way to his best friend’s funeral. 

It took him a minute to register that he had arrived, only realizing it when he felt the ground change from hard concrete to the soft grass.

As Tobio walked, he took note of the cloudy sky. It was to be expected that the sun wouldn’t shine on the day someone so like itself was put to rest. It wasn’t raining, at least not yet. He vaguely recalls hearing the weatherman mention something about light showers later today.

He barely even noticed sitting down until after Shouyou’s mother had finished talking and people were getting up to pay their respects. He had taken to calling the ginger Shouyou after his passing as a way to feel closer to him.

Slowly, Tobio got up to see his friend one last time.

Shouyou was as beautiful as he was in life. Vibrant ginger hair, a light dusting of freckles, long dark eyelashes slightly bruising his soft cheeks ever so slightly. Even though he promised himself he wouldn't, Tobio wept.

His brain brought a memory to the front of his mind.

The exact moment he realized he was in love with Hinata Shouyou.

The two of them had stayed late after practice and were walking home. They were arguing as always, this time about if Tobio could ride a bike better than Shouyou. 

“ No, you cant! Here, get on my bike and we’ll see who’s better!” Shouyou shoved his bike towards his dark-haired companion, looking at him expectantly.

Tobio dropped his backpack and got the bike. He peddled for about 10 seconds before losing control of the pedals and crashed into a fence.

“Kageyama!” Shouyou sprinted over to where Tobio was sitting on the ground next to the fallen bike. He expected the shorter player to be upset about the bike but to his surprise, Shouyou knelt down next to him and began inspecting his knee, which he noticed had started bleeding.

“Don’t worry about the bike,” brown eyes sparkling with worry stared at Tobio “I have stuff for your knee at my house.”

At that very moment, Kageyama Tobio realized he was in love.

That moment seemed far away now, almost as if the memory wasn’t his own.

“Fly high Shouyu. I love you.” 

There it was. Tobio had finally gotten the courage to tell his companion what he never could during his lifetime.

He wondered if Shouyou would’ve reciprocated.

Just as Tobio started to walk away, he felt somebody grab onto his shoulder. He turned around to see Shouyou’s mother holding an old worn-out volleyball.

“Shouyou wanted you to have this. He told me it’s the first volleyball you two practiced together with. It was really important to him. Even though he had about 11 other volleyballs to practice with, he always insisted on this one.” The woman let out a wet chuckle.

Without a word, Tobio wrapped his arms around the mother and began to sob into her shoulder. She rubbed circles on his back and continued to talk. 

“You were important to him, you know? Not a day went by where didn’t talk about you.” The elder Hinata let go of him and pat his shoulder. “I’m afraid you should get going. Feel free to stop by anytime.” the woman walked away without another word.

Volleyball in hand, Tobio made his way to his sister’s car. 

On the ride home, he let his mind wander. He wondered how Shouyou felt in his last days. He wondered why Shouyou kept the ball. He wonders why Shouyou didn’t say goodbye.

Tobio doesn’t say anything when he gets home. He just goes to his room to change so he can practice.

As he practiced, Tobio made four promises.

Number one, he would keep playing. Shouyou told him to, it was the least he could do.

Number two, he would live long. He would do it for Shouyou.

Number three, he would never love again. Tobio knows Shouyou would’ve wanted him to, but he couldn’t bear the thought of loving anybody but him.

Number four, Hinata Shouyou might be dead physically, but he would forever live in the setter’s heart.

Tobio’s eyes settled once again on the old worn-out ball and remembered once again how beautiful Shouyou was, inside and out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm going to be posting a lot more over Christmas break. Leave suggestions in the comments!


	5. Kuroo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo's letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is taken from Mitski's Last words of a shooting star. Please tell me in the comments who you want next!

Tetsuro Kuroo isn't jealous. Tetsuro totally isn't jealous when Kozume declines to hang out on Saturday. They always hang out on Saturdays!

No, what Tetsuro really was is concerned. While Kozume was never an expressive person but over the phone, he had sounded just so … empty. Kozume always sounded bored, disinterested, but never empty.

It was concerning, to say the least. 

Tetsuro’s concern grew even more throughout the next two weeks. The setter’s mood didn't seem to change despite Tetsuro’s attempts to cheer him up. Kozume just seemed blank. Colorless. The captain just hoped the upcoming training camp would be enough to cheer him up.

The bus ride was agonizingly long. Kozume slept the entire time while Tetsuro stayed uncomfortably awake. They eventually arrived at the training camp. Tetsuro got off the bus and noticed the absence of Karasuno.

It only took a few minutes for the crows to arrive. With them, they brought a gloomy sort of air. Tetsuro took note of the disappearance of their number ten.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kozume make his way over to Karasuno’s blue-eyed setter and begin to talk in quiet voices about something Tetsuro couldn’t quite hear. He watched as the two pulled each other in for an embrace, something he never thought he’d see. Well just add that to the list of weird shit that’s happened recently.

After practice, it was time for Tetsuro‘s favorite part.

Dinner.

Everybody was loud and rowdy, with two notable exceptions.

Kozume, which was to be expected, and surprisingly Karasuno. While definitely not the loudest team, Karasuno was never quiet. Even the bald guy was silent

Now that he thought about it the team had been off the entire day. During practice, they had been a bit slower, and not as lively.

Oh well. As long as they were still playing he could leave them to their sulking about whatever.

It didn’t take long until dinner was over.

Tetsuro was standing by his team’s empty table chatting with the Fukorodani captain when Karasuno’s silver-haired setter walked up to the two.

He took a deep breath then spoke “I’m sorry to interrupt but I have something for you two and your teams,” He proceeded to dig through his bag to find five envelopes, handing two to Tetsuro and three to Bokuto, then continued “These are from Hinata. They’ll explain why he’s not here at the camp with us” then the setter left without another word.

“That was weird.” The ace remarked before examining the letters. Tetsuro looked down at the letters. Tetsuro looked down at the letters in his own hand. The first one had “Kuroo’ written on it in shaky print and the second one had an even shakier “Nekonma” on it. It looked as if the writer could barely hold a pen. “I’m going to get this to Akaashi. See ya later!” And with that, the owl-looking teen bounded off to get the letter to his second-year companion.

  
Tetsuro decided to rip open his letter without much of a second thought. Maybe it would explain all the weirdness. Pulling out the paper, he began to read.

“Kuroo,

I’m sorry I told Kenma and not you. I’m sorry you’re finding out through a letter”

  
Now that just confused Tetsuro, what was so bad Hinata would write a whole letter?

  
“ If you’re reading this I’ve lost my battle. Actually, no. I didn’t lose. You can’t lose what was never a battle. To say I lost would imply I didn’t fight hard enough, and I fought as hard as a could. But I’m getting off-topic. I’ve had lung cancer for a while now. You’re reading this, which means I’m gone.

I’ve really got to thank you. I loved playing with you and your team. You really provided a challenge. You were also a really good friend. So again, thank you.

I have something to ask of you. Could you make sure Kenma doesn’t feel too sad?

Forever a friend, Karasuno’s no.10, Hinata Shouyou.”

Tetsuro couldn’t believe what he had just read.

Hinata?

Gone?

Never in a million years had he imagined Hinata wouldn’t be there. If not for Tetsuro then for Kuzume. Oh god, how was Kozume feeling? That explains his depressive mood.

Tetsuro was devastated. He could only stand there and silently cry.

Hinata was gone, but Tetsuro could at least try to keep his promise.

He rushed to the room Nekonma was staying in to find Kozume.

Tetsuro eventually found the setter sitting on the floor alone playing on his switch.

“Kuro?” Kozume looked up at a crying Tetsuro.

The captain made his way over to Kozume and hugged him wordlessly.

“You got your letter didn’t you?” The faux blonde inquired.

Tetsuro nodded.

The two stayed like that for a long time.

Tetsuro promised himself that Hinata’s request wouldn’t go unfulfilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> :)


	6. Bokuto & Akaashi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto and Akaashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is taken from Mitski's Last words of a shooting star. Please tell me in the comments who you want next!

Akaashi Keiji doesn’t know where Kotaro is. Or at least he didn’t until he saw the frosted-tipped ace came barreling around the corner.

“Kashi! Karasuno’s setter told me to give this to you! They’re from Hinata.” Kotaro’s booming voice echoed throughout the hallway as he made his way to Keiji.

In his hand Kotaro held three pristinely white envelopes.

Keiji wordlessly took the one that had “Akaashi” scrawled on it.

“Why didn’t he just text us? He has our numbers.” Kotaro wondered aloud. 

“I don’t know, maybe he lost them or something.” Keiji sighed as he ripped open the envelope “You read yours first! Tell me what it says then I can read mine!” The captain spoke so loud it was nearly a shout.

Keiji rolled his eyes fondly and began to read.

“Akaashi,

If you’re reading this that means I’m not around anymore. I’ve had lung cancer for a while now”

Keiji’s heart dropped. No. That couldn’t be right. Cancer? Gone? Nothing on the paper made sense. Nevertheless, he continued to read.

“A lot of things have been getting harder recently. While my handwriting was never the neatest, it’s practically chicken scratch now. Sorry about that.

I’ve really got to thank you. You taught me so much in the admittedly short time we’ve known each other. You’ve also been a really great friend. So thank you for all you have done for me. You and Bokuto pushed me to be better.

I also owe you an apology. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you. I’m sorry for letting you waste your skills on me.

I know it was selfish of me not to tell the people I’m close to that I’d be gone soon. But I feel like if I tried to say goodbye nothing would come but tears.

Please don’t forget me!

Forever a friend, Karasuno’s no.10, Hinata Shouyou”

“Kashi? Are you ok? Why are you crying? What did he say?” Kotaro rapidly fired off questions.

Keiji held his hand up to his mouth and stifled a sob.

“Keiji? What’s wrong?” Kotaro’s voice became panicked as the second year continued to silently sob.

“Just… read your letter.”

Keiji watched as Kotaro ripped open his envelope and scanned his eyes across the paper.

The next thing he knew his companion was sprinting away with both letters in hand.

  
________________________________________________________________

Bokuto Kotaro is angry. Hands shaking, hot tears, barely-able-to-form-sentences, lived.

As he was sprinting down the never-ending chain of hallways he reread the letter.

“Bokuto,

If this letter had been delivered that means I’m gone. I’ve had lung cancer for a month or two at the time of writing this.

Thank you so much for being my friend and teaching me all that you did.

I’m writing this to say goodbye. You among many others made my life just a bit more enjoyable.

It was nice getting to know you. I really enjoyed your company.

Forever a friend and kohai, Karasuno’s no.10, Hinata Shouyou.”

This was the stupidest prank Kotaro had ever seen. They made Keiji cry! All for some stupid joke.

As soon as he gets to Karasuno he’s ripping them a new one.

The second he caught sight of the room labeled Karasuno Kotaro slammed the door open.

All eyes went wide with surprise as heads turned to face the doorway where the steaming captain was standing, two letters clutched in his hand.

It was Daichi who got up first to see what the ace wanted. He opened his mouth to speak before Kotaro cut him off with a shout “ Want to explain what kind of sick joke this is? Who the hell thought pretending Hinata is dead would be funny?” Kotaro felt wet, hot, tears roll down his cheeks as he shouted at the Karasuno players

For a moment, nobody spoke. It was surprisingly Kageyama to speak up first.

“Would you like me to call Shouyou’s mother and tell her that her son dying before he even graduated high school is humorous? Tell his little sister that her older brother not getting to see her tenth birthday is funny? Want to tell us him never getting to play another game with us is a joke?” The setter’s voice was icy and full of venom.

“Kotaro, let’s stop bothering them. Follow me.” Kotaro didn’t even notice Keiji come up behind him.

He barely registered Keiji leading him away from the Karasuno room and outside the building until the setter sat him down on the steps of the building.

“He can’t be gone. He can’t be.” Kotaro mumbled. Keiji started rubbing circles on the taller teen’s back.

“I know it’s hard. He shouldn’t have had to suffer like that.” Keiji kissed Kotaro’s forehead and pulled him into a warm hug.

Kotaro cried. He cried for a long time and he cried hard. 

The two watched the sunset together. It was beautiful.

But it would’ve been prettier if Hinata was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> :)


	7. Nishinoya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya's pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SO SORRY. I've had some pretty bad writers block, and I was also working on another fic. The title is from Mitski's "Last words of a shooting star"

Nisinoya Yu isn’t quiet. Everything he does is loud. He talks loud, he plays loud, and he cries loud.

Yu sobbed for hours after he read his letter.

He couldn’t bring himself to stop reading the letter. He only cried when he first read it. Now he just smiles sadly. Yu tries to be positive, so he keeps the letter in a drawer. He reads it nearly every day, as a reminder to keep his promise. 

Yu read it again on the bus ride to camp.

“Dear Noya,

Thank you for making every day just a bit more fun.

I know I’ve been dragging down the team with how fast I’ve been deteriorating. It’s been getting harder to do things I used to be very good at. So, I’m sorry.

May you please promise me something? I wanna keep volleyball fun for the team. Make sure the team stays as great as can be.

I love playing volleyball. I’m going to keep playing ‘til the very end. I know it’ll take away some of the time I have left, but I really don’t wanna stop playing. After all, is living an unhappy life really living?

Again, thank you so much. I really enjoyed being on a team with you. Please don’t forget me!

Forever a friend, Karasuno’s no. 10, Hinata Shouyou”

Yu’s heart melts again and again with each word he reads. He neatly folded the paper and put it back in his backpack.

He’s excited, he really is! But there is a small (giant) part of him that wishes Shouyou could be here with the team.

The team was pretty out of it in most, if not all, of their games. Yu made attempts to cheer the team up, to keep his promise. But only a few of his teammates (Asahi, Tanaka, and Suga) seemed to be receptive to Yu’s efforts.

Getting yelled at by Bokuto was frightening. Seeing the Typically jovial captain angry was not a pleasant experience. Kageyama’s scathing response didn’t help either. It just reminded the team that Shouyou was gone.

The rest of the camp wasn’t much better. Giving Nekonma and Fukurodani their team letters was met with tears from some and condolences from others. 

At the back of his mind, Yu wondered if Shouyou was watching them from where he ended up. It must’ve been a funny sight, seeing 6 foot tall volleyball players cry like children.

——————————————-

The next practice match they had was with Aoba Josai. This time it was being held in the Karasuno gym.

Suga had decided to give the team their letter after the game, so nobody is distracted 

Aoba Josai eventually arrived, albeit 5 minutes late. The team’s captain makes a few snide comments before the game begins, but they eventually get to start

The game is going great, in Yu’s humble opinion. He passed the ball to Kageyama for him to set, and quite well if you were wondering.

A single word came out of the setter’s mouth as he hit the ball.

“Shouyou!”

The ball fell to the ground all too loud for Yu’s tastes. 

Soon the silence in the air was met with the sound of soft crying coming from the dark haired-setter.

The two teams watched as Kageyama left the court, quickly followed by Yamaguchi.

Suga spoke, “ I think we should cut this game short,” the vice-captain hesitated, “ I have something for you before you go. It might explain all of this.” He walked over to his backpack, dug around for a second, and pulled out a white envelope labeled “Aoba Josai”

Iwazumi raised an eyebrow, “This is all really weird. Why can’t you just tell us?” 

Suga wordlessly made his way over to the ace and handed him the letter.

The dark-haired teen’s harsh eyes scanned over the letter, getting wider with each word.

The paper fell from Iwazumi’s hands and onto the gym floor.

“Iwa-Chan? What’s it say?” Oikawa picked the letter up off the floor and began to read it himself.

“Oikawa, we should go.” The ace quietly muttered to the captain.

Oikawa was silent for a second. Yu thought he might not speak at all.

“Yeah. I think we should” the setter shakily said, folding the letter and neatly putting it back in his backpack.’

It took a few minutes, but the teal-colored team eventually left.

Yu wasn’t sure what to do.

He doesn’t want to crowd Kageyama, but he is concerned.

Damnit, why couldn’t Shouyou be here? He would know what to do!

At that thought, Yu freezes.

Shouyou would never be here.

Shouyou is gone.

The sunshine boy of Karasuno is gone. 

Isn’t that a terrible thought?

Yu tries to focus on the positives, but it’s kinda hard to find them.

‘Shouyou could’ve found a positive’ his brain supply’s.

But Shouyou is gone.

Gone for good and never coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	8. February 14th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio hates holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is so late. This is a 4 year timeskip, so Tobio is 19 in this story.

Kageyama Tobio doesn't enjoy holidays anymore. They don’t feel the same anymore. Not without Shouyou.

Some holidays are worse than others. For example, Valentine’s day. Tobio would gladly go through Christmas daily if it meant he never had to go through another February fourteenth. All the day does is remind Tobio of what he could never experience again.

It’s the little things he misses about Shouyou. The way he smiled almost all the time. How his hand sometimes brushed against Tobio’s own as they walked

The bouquet of sunflowers in Tobio’s hand isn’t heavy, but it still feels as if he’s carrying a bag of bricks. But he made a promise to himself to come here, and it’s one he intends to keep.

The flowers in his hand may not seem like much, yet they mean the world to Tobio. Everything about them just screams Hinata Shouyou.

As Tobio walks to Shouyou’s final resting place he lets his mind wander.

He holds all of his memories with Shouyou close to his heart, but he has favorites. Creating their quick attack, defeating Shiratorizawa, taking a new route back to Tobio’s house. He particularly adores that last one.

The two of them had decided to take a different way to Tobio’s house that Shouyou has said was (allegedly) shorter.

“Are you sure that this way takes less time? I feel like we’ve been walking for hours.” Tobio’s words came out as a loud groan

Shouyou rolled his eyes, “Quit whining, it’ll be worth it when we get there.”

A comfortable silence fell over the two first years as they traveled through alleyways and barren sidewalks.

Soft hands covered Tobio’s eyes right before he turns the corner. He yelped in surprise, “Dumbass! Get your hands off my eyes, I can't see!”

“That’s kinda the point, Bakayama. Just let me lead you to where we’re going.”

“We’re going to my house. I think I know how to get there.”

“We’re taking a quick detour, now shut up and come on.” Shouyou’s voice is light with amusement.

Tobio scoffed, but complied.

The walk from then on is rather quiet, occasionally interrupted by the dark-haired teen yelling at the ginger because he tripped.

The two finally come to a stop. Shouyou removed his hands from Tobio’s eyes, letting him see the world in front of him.

The view is gorgeous. A giant field of vibrant yellow sunflowers stares back at him. Shouyou’s hand brushed up against his own, making his heart flutter in ways he’s not sure he likes.

“Do you like it?” Shouyou’s voice traveled in the soft breeze like a melody. “They're my favorite.”

Tobio’s voice came out quiet and breathy, “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

Tobio wishes things could stay like this forever.

They don’t.

Things change, and life happens.

It’s unfair, but that's how things are.

So why can’t Tobio seem to accept that? It’s not like Shouyou's passing is a recent development. It’s been years.

He shouldn’t be here. Shouyou’s grave is staring at him and he feels as if somebody froze him into the ground. His eyes with unshed tears.

Tobio vaguely registers the bouquet of Shouyou’s favorite flowers falling to the ground.

It’s all too much. The photo leaning against the stone slab is one of Shouyou. It’s beautiful.

He was beautiful. Inside and out.

He’s smiling in the picture.

He should still be here smiling now.

He should be here running and jumping and playing.

But he’s not.

He’s gone and Tobio is never getting him back.

Tobio isn’t crying. He hasn’t cried since the day of Shouyou’s funeral. Shouyou wouldn't have wanted him to cry, so he doesn’t.

His lungs feel like they’re on fire. Breathing is never easy when he visits Shouyou’s.

Lots of things aren’t easy anymore.

He never stopped playing volleyball, but it’s not the same. His current team is nothing compared to the feeling he got when setting to the ginger teen.

He knows he’s stuck in the past.

He knows because he and Shouyou grew incredibly close, but it’s been four goddamn years. He’s older than ever Shouyou was. He was in his life for a disappointingly short amount of time. Hell, he’s been gone longer than the amount of time Tobio knew him. He’s been dead for so many events. He never got his high school diploma. He never got to see Natsu grow up.

Tobio doesn’t even know why he’s here. All it does is make him feel like shit. Especially on today of all days. 

It’s a bittersweet feeling that fills his heart as he slowly walks away from one stone slab with the name “Hinata Shouyou” engraved on it. He knows that if Shouyou were here he’d be laughing at Tobio for being so dramatic.

But he isn’t here.

And that hurts more than any flesh wound ever could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !PLEASE READ!
> 
> Hi! This is really late, and I apologize. I'm most likely not going to do a Seijoh chapter unless people really want it. I have a Natsu chapter planned, but that might be it. If you have a chapter you really want, leave it in the comments. Thanks for reading!


	9. The next no.10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natsu!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE AND RUSHED AND BAD KFJUIFBIUEB I wrote this when I should've been sleeping.

Hinata Natsu doesn’t remember much of her older brother. She knows what he looks like, given there are billions of photos of him in the old album and more than a few on the walls of the house. He had bright orange hair, just like hers. Natsu vividly remembers her mother crying from just looking at the about eight-year-old girl, simply because she looked too much like her brother.

She has a few nice memories of him, albeit fuzzy ones. Baking cookies, fingerpainting, and most importantly, volleyball. The two loved volleyball. It was the thing she remembered most about him.

Little things around the house give her hints on what he was like. Photos, books, his old favorite movies, volleyball awards, and for a couple of years after her brother’s death, Kageyama Tobio. The boy would often come over for dinners, which still happened, but were now a bit scarce due to the raven’s career.

Natsu was snapped out of her thoughts as the small but cozy house she and her mother lived in all her life. It was small, but it was just big enough for two. It also worked well as a home of three.

“Mom! I’m home!” Setting her bag down, she walked into the kitchen. The Hinata matriarch was looking over a piece of lined paper, which Natsu immediately recognized as the letter her mother was left by Shouyou.

The woman got up and pulled an old-looking white envelope from her pocket.

“I was debating whether to give this to you, but you’re older than he ever was. It’s been long enough. This is your letter.”

Natsu tore apart the envelope, impatient to see the letter inside. She needs to know what he said.

“Natsu,

I am so, so, sorry I can’t be there to watch you grow up. I know you’re going to be great, and I bet you’ll go farther than I ever did. I know you’re only eight, but you’re one of the brightest people I know. You’re so special to me.

I’m writing this right after the two of us just got done tossing a volleyball around in the backyard. I think you receive better than I do!

Sorry I’m not with you. You should have your big brother there as you become an adult but you cant. I can’t express how much I want to change things, but I can’t. 

Keep practicing. Please. I know you’ll be amazing. 

I hope you’ll keep in touch with Tobio.

Can I ask you something? I want you to inherit my number. Be the next number ten for me. You don’t have to, but I think it’d mean the world to mom.

You’re the best sister I could’ve had. I’m going to miss you.

With love, your older brother, Hinata Shouyou.”

Natsu’s lip wobbled as she tried not to cry. He really was the best big brother she could ask for.

He should still be here.

The letter was stuffed in her pocket as she ran to her room.

She skipped dinner, it’s not like she was going to be able to eat anyways.

The next day Natsu made sure she was early. She had something important to do.

Her coach was rolling out the volleyball cart, but she felt her question was a lot more important.

“Can I change my jersey number?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> :)


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